Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Okay God...I'm listening

A post I wasn't sure if I wanted to make because if I wrote it...and published it then I couldn't ignore it. But who am I kidding, it's pretty much all I'm thinking about. Now where to start...

Clearly, if you know anything about my life at the moment you would know that I'm living on the 3rd floor of my in-laws. After 2 years (almost to the day) of moving into our own apartment, out we moved and back to my in-laws. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly. We get along great, we give each other space and frankly most of the time I forget where I am. But still--it's not our place. After all 90% of our stuff is in a storage facility a couple miles away.        [How did we end up here you may ask. Well long story short I lost my full time teaching job because I was just a long-term sub. If I gave you any more details than that, it would just be my personal opinion and speculations about what happened. So let's leave it at that.]        Clearly this was not my plan. This wasn't my man's plan. Who would plan this? Ohhh that's right He would. God knew this all along. He wants us to be here. I don't know why...I don't know that I ever will. But I MUST remember it is His plan and that's all that should matter.

If it was MY plan, we would have our own house (mortgage and all) with a fenced in yard for the puppies. Greg would also have a full time job and I would be home taking care of our baby (or 2..hahah) Why didn't God ask me??? It sounds great right? Well let me step back a few days or a week...

First I read a post on a dear dear friend's blog. This is what she writes...
"Scripture is FILLED with situation after situation where people are praying, wanting, crying out for something and God seems to respond quietly with a "not yet." His timing is perfect, yet often much slower than we seem to think it should be. Although we don't audibly hear it, many of our prayers are answered with a 'not yet beloved, not yet.' I wish we could hear his gentleness as He whispers it..."
And right then and there..I cried--no not just a tear---I mean I cried. Somewhere in my mind and my heart I knew this. But sadly I was trying to ignore it because..well because I don't think I wanted to admit it.

And obviously He didn't think it was enough for me to just read that...Oh noo, He had to continue to make His point on the radio on the way to school yesterday. When I heard this song: My Savior My God - By Aaron Shust.
I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned. I only know at His right hand, stands one who is my Savior. I take him at his word and deed. Christ died to save me; this I read. And in my heart I find a need of Him to be my Savior! That He would leave Him place on high and come for sinful man to die. You count it strange, so once did I. Before I knew my savior. My Savior loves, My Savior lives, My Savior's always there for me. My God He was, my God He is, My God is always gonna be.
 [Insert tears here] Okay God really I am listening please believe me!
But He knew I wasn't listening, I was just hearing. Because if I was listening and understanding I probably wouldn't be as frustrated or jealous of all the babies being born and pregnancies around me or the ability of my friends to decorate THEIR houses. [lame I know]

Then came God:Step 3. Preparing curriculum for the coming weeks for the kiddos at church. And that's when I found myself typing this.
[Peace-Trusting God instead of worrying
Faith-Believing God's promise instead of doubting
God gives us a freedom and a choice to choose our life's direction. Committing our plans into God's hands means we PRAY each day that God will guide our life. Here is what a prayer of commitment sounds like: "God, I trust your plans are bigger and better than any plans I could ever achieve. I'd ask that you would guide me today. Lead me where you want me to go. Help me hear your voice and follow your plans for me. In Jesus' name, amen."]

Clearly I needed at least 3 reminders that my plan means NOTHING, because His is so much more important and better for me than I can even imagine right now. Maybe His plan is going to take years for us to have that house or a baby and no matter how much that upsets me--I need to trust HIM and let HIM lead me where HE wants me to go and wants me to do. I'm sure that while I'm praying to be able to do all of this and succeeding and failing to do this that I will have more reminders--but for now my eyes and ears are certainly open.

So in the words of a very very wise friend: He must be whispering...
not yet Katy...not yet. Come to me, trust me, I am always here for you. 
Now if only I could really LISTEN and follow. 


  1. a seriously awesome lesson for all of us. thanks for reminding us that our plan is not his plan. so often i think, "okay God-NOW when will this happen?"..not allowing him full control...

    lovely post..

  2. I wish I could just give you a hug. Instead I will send a virtual one. I understand the frustration of not wanting to wait on His timing or plan. I have been feeling that way myself lately when it comes to Zeke. But thankfully we have the knowledge imprinted on our hearts that His timing and plan is perfect. Thank you for the reminder.

  3. oooh dear friend, isn't it humbling and awesome when God literally hits us in the face to get our attention? ok I started to type a response on here but it got crazy long so check your facebook inbox. :)



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