Give it up already

So I mentioned a few days back that I was in a funk. Really just totally disheartened by this stalemate of a situation we are in at the moment. I truly have to admit that this week I've been frustrated and upset about this situation. I am rarely able to remember that this is God's plan in my frustration. I'm mad because it shouldn't be like this [in my mind of course]. I'm frustrated because it should be easier. On the women's retreat, the very first night we talked about laying it all on the cross. Now this concept encompasses a lot..mainly about what should be changed about yourself to be more like Him. In my quiet time that weekend, I found myself curled up around my bible praying and pouring.out.my.heart with tears streaming down my face. Something I should be doing daily, but part of me (a BIG part of me) doesn't want to admit my complete frustration because I know I should be thankful for all the things I have. As if that's easy or something. I'll admit I was slightly off topic for my quiet time at that point...BUT I had to get through that to move on. It was the wall between me and God at that point in time that had to be knocked down with a wrecking ball.

Anyway, today my Bible reading schedule included Genesis 17-28. 

There is so much that will be happening in each section that I read, that I could write and write and write. I will have to limit myself so that you don't get too bored of me. :) 

Anyway, one part that stuck out to me and my funk is when God comes to visit Abraham and Sarah. He tells Abraham that despite their age, Sarah will bear a child for Abraham. Sarah laughs at this from inside the tent because of her disbelief that after all these years, she will be granted a child when she is old. God hears her laugh and asks why she laughed and asks her "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" [Genesis 18:14]

There are 2 things that were running through my mind at this point:

1) God hears  & knows EVERYTHING. DUH! But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to hear me tell him directly. He is waiting for me to come before Him with every ounce of sadness, every tear, and every praise. He is waiting for me to give.it.ALL to Him. He is waiting for me to give it up, to let go, to draw near to Him.

2) There is N.O.T.H.I.N.G that is too hard for God. NOTHING. It doesn't matter what it is. He can do it. The difference is, will He. He knows what's best for us and when it should happen (or not happen) and no matter what He has deemed right and perfect for us we still need to remember #1.

Now my last thought is nothing I came up with. I actually just read it on another blog right before I decided to post. It's talking about remembering and focusing on God's purpose in our lives instead of what we might think our purpose should be. 

"It's so easy isn't it? Just to want our lives to be happy and free from difficult circumstances altogether? But you know what? If our lives were that easy, I'd dare say that we'd not stop very often to really have a relationship with God. As sinful people, when things are going 'good' for us, we tend to forget all about God don't we?

But see. God isn't looking for our lives to be 'good' -- HE is looking for us to grow and become Holy like Jesus! HE is looking for us to long for HIM and have a real and intimate relationship with HIM. And that takes work! It takes us being willing to work through the difficulties in our lives and not just complain about them. He wants us to come to HIM and form a real relationship.

He also wants us to take the things we learn from HIM and apply it to our lives. In doing so, we become more like Jesus. More HOLY.

See, God isn't looking to make us happy. HE is looking to make us HOLY. More like HIM - more like HIS son. That is His purpose for our lives - holiness! Happiness is a wonderful thing but it depends on what is HAPPENING in our lives at the moment. It is hard to be happy when we are asking our "why" questions, isn't it?

But take heart! Because by spending the time with God that He deserves, by growing closer to HIM, by becoming more Holy - I think that we will have joy because the fruits of the Spirit working within us will show in our lives! And happiness, while different than joy, is a gift from the Lord - so be thankful for your happiness when you have it!

Being happy should never be our goal in life......being HOLY.....being more like our creator -- that should be our goal."

Thursday Letters & Day 1

Dear Misto Lady,

I know you really like your mistos on random days after you eat your lunch, but for one you could be a little friendlier and two I know it's you leaving your straw trash 2 feet from the trash can on our counter and on the ground today. Could you please consider picking up after yourself. After all you are a grown up and even though it's my job to keep the place clean...it doesn't necessarily mean you should litter.

Sincerely,

Irritated Ritas Manager

Dear Mystery Shopper,

First of all I want to say thank you for giving me my complete 100%. I've truly been worried about you. Asking myself all sorts of questions. What if you don't let me offer a sample? What if I can't easily offer you any add-ons? However, I do want to say that I know I usually look younger than I am...but 17?? Hmm. I'm sure I'll appreciate looking younger someday, but for now I would have preferred the early 20s at least.

Sincerely,

A slightly happier Rita's manager

Dear Jetta,

You really are a great little car. Even if sometimes I say things that sounds mean when all your little lights blink at me and beep at me. Deep down inside I really do love you. (Although sometimes I do wish you were taller. You know to make up for my lack of height). I'm glad your feeling better and that you didn't cost us the remainder of our income for the next few months.

Hugs & Kisses,

Your Driver

Dear Extended Warranty,

First I would like to apologize. Really I am sorry I was so frustrated with you for the past 2 years. But can you blame me? We paid a lot for you considering our current position and you never covered anything. I suppose you knew all along you would come in handy. Today you showed your true worth. You showed that catalytic converter and it's labor who is boss. I even did a little dance leaving the shop because of you--who does that?!?

Love,

A Very Pleased and Apologetic Wife (and her hubby)

Dear School Districts,

We are awaiting your call. Seriously. Any day now. I know it may seem early to you, but you know "The early bird gets the worm". {We are the worms, you're the bird...better eat us up before some other bird gets to us}

From,

2 Teachers slightly tired of living in the Unknown

Now onto my 90 Day Bible. Today was seriously a crazy day. My car went in to get inspected so I had to be driven to work and get picked up by my hubby. So that extended the day. We were supposed to go to small group but didn't make it because we had to pick up my car and we got stuck in construction traffic. When we finally got home I realized that I had yet to read my Bible for Day 1. 

Seriously? I can't fail yet. I haven't even started. I even began to justify myself that I've read Genesis plenty of times. But even I know that's a terrible excuse. So while the boys were watching a mish-mash of Phillies, Flyers, and the NFL Draft, I pulled out my Bible and dug in. 16 chapters later, I'm glad I did it. Creation, Adam & Eve, The Fall, Cain and Abel, Noah & The Flood, The Sons of Noah, Tower of Babel, Abram, Lot, and finally Hagar and Ishmael. I thought about reading more tonight, but I want to make sure I HAVE to read tomorrow. I told Greg about my "plan". His response wasn't quite what I had thought. I thought maybe he'd join in. Not.so.much. His comment..."Isn't that just reading, for reading's sake?" Ohhh well. I'm going on my own. Maybe he'll join me sooner or later. (even if it does take me longer than 90 days)

Regret & Non-Wordless Wednesday

Days ago...okay weeks ago. A month is probably more accurate, I was literally at 90 posts and I was so excited to simply meet 100 posts. Here I am. Writing post 99. Very upset with myself that I was literally unable to continue for the past month. Sooo hopefully I shall do better in the next week and months to come. Today was a VERRY slow day at Ritas. With the temps in the low 60s here, with practically complete cloud cover and rain, I had 4 customers--so I had lots of time to think.

In past years, I've tried to read the Bible in a year. Seems like it's something I could do, but within the first few months I fell behind. Normally one would just try to catch up, but I didn't. So I don't remember if it happened yesterday or today, but I thought I would try it to read the Bible from cover to cover, beginning to end, in 90 days. I know, I know I could be crazy. But hear me out. It's a shorter goal. More reading to do at a time, BUT less time to fall off schedule. Plus it gives you 2 days of non-reading. I was happy to find a schedule online for FREE so I don't actually have to buy the book. I could have made up my own schedule, but I like when it's someone else's list to follow. It seems more--important.

I hope to post a little bit each day on my thoughts on what I've read. If your up for joining me I'd love the extra support and company. :D  And of course I'll throw in some other stuff along the way. **In the back of my head I'm thinking of my next sewing project to embark on--I'm thinking something for my nieces.

Here's a little picture from the race this past weekend. I loved the contrast and the fact that the building was super weathered from being on the New Jersey oceanfront for 70-80 years.